The Unbearable Sorrow

I used to give advice to my friends whenever they’re going through something. I used to comfort them and would always say that it’s just a matter of mind setting. I feel so strong then that I can rise above all the struggles of life. But what’s happening to me now? Did I lose all the courage and strength I had before? Where’s that ‘mind over matters’ I used to talk about? All the while I thought I can soar above anything. But now I feel like all I want is to hide myself or drown myself on my pillows. So they won’t see my eyes and they won’t know how much I am hurting. I am just not ready for anything. I don’t want anybody to see me or hear me cry or feel my emotions. Well, at one point, I’m afraid I’ll only burst into tears every time I’m reminded of the whole thing.I wonder where’s all that courage and inspiring words gone?

Life is indeed so playful. One minute, everything’s perfect and then suddenly, there’ll be a twist of fate. And with that, I felt like I lost myself too and no matter how hard I try to get it back, I just can’t. Please don’t ask me why or how.

At many times I wish I could just put myself to sleep and start anew the moment I open my eyes..like what I used to do. But no, it just don't happen and I'm perfectly clueless why. Well, just like I am searching for answers I cannot find. Guess this is just one unbearable thing, the most unbearable of all..

- ymhej -

26.03.2015