06.12.2013

Why does it always have to be you? Why does it always feel like I was only a second option? Because you know each other more than I do? Because you were already friends before I came? Because you share the same interest? Because you were almost the best of friends? And what about me?

Sorry for feeling this way (if I have to). It’s just that I can’t figure out why is it that there has to be a girl. Am I not enough to be your best friend to still find it in another woman? Oh, c’mon! Yes, I may be being selfish. But, please. I understand you need to have your own life, you own circle of friends, your own time. But maybe not in this way? 

Again, sorry, but just the thought of you still having a connection with that girl is pissing me off because it’s hurting me. It feels like I am not good enough to know and understand things that she can know, accept and understand. It’s hurting me in a way that you cannot tell me about everything under the sun because there are things not acceptable to me. I am a woman of don’ts. Don’t drink, don’t stay up too late, and don’t smoke. Do not do this and that, etc! Sorry for being raised like that. Sorry that I fear almost everything in this world and that I am scared to try to go out of the nutshell. Sorry that I don’t know about basketball. Sorry that I don’t let you drink. Sorry that I am demanding. Sorry that I always have exemptions and restrictions.  And sorry that with her, you don’t have to think of all those things!

And sorry for me, that it was her edge over me.

Believe me I’m trying to understand and to be considerate. Apologies if you do not see it.

If you need people other than me, that would be so dam painfull but hell, fine. But this is me. I’m sorry.

- ymhej - 

-          06.12.2013