Hello?
So I got an invite from my biological sister. This is, I think, the second time she invited me to visit their house in Laguna. The first was for my niece's baptism. Of course, I didn't show up.
Kasi bakit pa? Why do I need to be there? What for?
So they'll get to know me? Para ipakilala sa buong angkan? Na sino? Yung anak na pinamigay nila? Kaya ba nilang sabihin yun? O iexplain bawat detalye sa bawat taong magtatanong pa'no nangyari? I doubt!
Para masabing napatawad ko na sila sa ginawa nilang pag-iwan sakin? Para mawala yung guilt feeling nila?
Para masiguro nilang maayos at maganda ang buhay ng iniwan nila? E okay naman ako. Sigurado namang kita at alam nila yun.
Don't get me wrong. It's just that feel like I have no reason to show up to them anymore. Like I have no reason at all to meet them, more for going to their house. After all, I have my own family and my own life. It just doesn't make sense, at least to me.
I never said no to my ate. But I never showed up either. Back in the day, I used to be scared whenever they'd visit me. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit. Pero feeling ko talaga lagi dati, kikidnapin nila ako. Before I turned eigteen was the last time they showed up. They said they just wanted to ask for my forgiveness. Sinabi ko naman na napatawad ko na sila. To be honest, up to this day, it's still unclear if I really did or sinabi ko lang yun just so the conversation would end and they'd leave.
The only thing I am sure of today is that I don't want to go to their place. Not that I don't want to see them at all, pero ayoko na kasing pag-usapan. It's been 29 years and all I want now is peace. After all, kung may kulang man sa buhay ko all these years, sigurado akong hindi pamilya yun.
I still wouldn't want to lose connection with my ate, though. I still want to be a sister to her. Hindi lang siguro sa biological parents ko. Don't even want to call them my parents. You can't blame me, can you?
So they'll get to know me? Para ipakilala sa buong angkan? Na sino? Yung anak na pinamigay nila? Kaya ba nilang sabihin yun? O iexplain bawat detalye sa bawat taong magtatanong pa'no nangyari? I doubt!
Para masabing napatawad ko na sila sa ginawa nilang pag-iwan sakin? Para mawala yung guilt feeling nila?
Para masiguro nilang maayos at maganda ang buhay ng iniwan nila? E okay naman ako. Sigurado namang kita at alam nila yun.
Don't get me wrong. It's just that feel like I have no reason to show up to them anymore. Like I have no reason at all to meet them, more for going to their house. After all, I have my own family and my own life. It just doesn't make sense, at least to me.
I never said no to my ate. But I never showed up either. Back in the day, I used to be scared whenever they'd visit me. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit. Pero feeling ko talaga lagi dati, kikidnapin nila ako. Before I turned eigteen was the last time they showed up. They said they just wanted to ask for my forgiveness. Sinabi ko naman na napatawad ko na sila. To be honest, up to this day, it's still unclear if I really did or sinabi ko lang yun just so the conversation would end and they'd leave.
The only thing I am sure of today is that I don't want to go to their place. Not that I don't want to see them at all, pero ayoko na kasing pag-usapan. It's been 29 years and all I want now is peace. After all, kung may kulang man sa buhay ko all these years, sigurado akong hindi pamilya yun.
I still wouldn't want to lose connection with my ate, though. I still want to be a sister to her. Hindi lang siguro sa biological parents ko. Don't even want to call them my parents. You can't blame me, can you?
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