Demands of a Fearful Wife-to-be

I have always admired my siblings when it comes to parenthood. I am not sure of the way they raise their kids neither about their other halves, but I'm definitely sure that their unique way of building their families is nothing but adorable to me. Through them, I saw the do's and dont's I want to live by when I become a mom and wife, too. As well as the good and bad side of the marriage.

1. THOU SHALL NOT DRINK.

Sorry, takot ako sa drinkers. My dad and kuya may be a chain smoker, but non among them (kuya, diko and papa) so far ever drunk. Even before when my dad was younger, parang I've never seen him in drinking sessions. Prince's dad is a drinker, though. And I'd admit, he scares me away every time he drinks. Prince is also having his drinking sessions with his HS barkada but very seldom na. But when he's with me, he never did. He knows how I hate it. Though I knew it very well when he does, and understand naman din. Seriously.

2. THOU SHALL NOT SMOKE.

Asthmatic and allergic. Konting usok, pati nga pabango e. Haching don, hingal dito na ko. Plus I really hate the smell of cigarettes. Even ung eCigars, I don't like. It feels like nababawasan ang araw ko sa mundo kapag naka-smell ng usok whether sa sigarilyo or sa sasakyan.

3. THOU IS NOT TOO MABARKADA.

I know we need friends. I know we both need our own circle of friends. But that doesn't mean you need to be with them all the time. That you need to update them and celebrate every occasion with them. I'm not being an unsociable person. Just that, hello? Can't you just spend the day with the family? Pwede namang wala sila. Well, one in law of mine used to drink with his friends EVERY night. 90% of the day sa barkada, nakikipag inuman. Yung isa naman, bawat occasion ng friends, dapat laging present! Buong family pa, required sumama. Come on! There isn't anything bad about being with your friends or seeing them once in a while. OA naman ung lahat nalang kasama sa kanila or kasama sila. At kasama pa buong pamilya hanggang mag umaga. There's always a proper place and time. If you want to pay respect to them, respect your family as well. And oh, FAMILY FIRST!

4. THOU SHALL NOT BE TOO BUSY AT WORK.

I understand na kailangan mong magtrabaho. But not to the point that you'll get too busy that all you can do at home is to shout at your children's mistake. I'm not saying that you should not discipline your child. But please, ilagay sa lugar. Huwag naman ung lage ka nang wala, tapos pag uuwi ka pa, mainit ang ulo mo most of the time, at laging may nakikitang mali sa kung sino. Hindi ko kailangan ng yaman, all I need is your time and attention. Surely, that's what the kids need more than I do. 

5. THOU SHALL BE A GOOD PROVIDER.

DISCLAIMER: Being a good provider doesn't mean getting too busy and focused on your work alone, to the point na laging mainit ang ulo at hanggang sa bahay ay nagtatrabaho. A house is a HOME, not a workplace.

6. THOU SHALL SPEND THE DAY OFFS WITH THE FAMILY.

Day off is DAY OFF and SHOULD be DAY OFF. It should be maximized with the whole family, as much as possible. Yun lang yung oras na maibibigay mo completely sa kanila. 

7. THOU SHALL NOT FILL THE FAMILY WITH MATERIAL THINGS.

I don't need your wealth. The family may need some money pero not in everything naman. I don't want to spoil my children with material things. Lalong hindi yun enough para lang mafill out pagkukulang mo sa kanila. Again, what they need is your time and attention. They need to feel the love na hindi sa mga materyal na bagay.

8. THOU SHALL NOT COMPARE.

Never EVER compare your children to others. Never say, 'bakit si ganito, ganun'. No two people are alike. So never compare. It lowers their confidence and loses their trust sa sarili nila. You can have your expectations pero samahan mo sila sa pag abot sa standards mo. Be there for them.

9. THOU SHALL LISTEN.

Your children needs you. I mean, US. Together, let us learn to be their friends as well. Let's make them feel that we're on their side as their bestfriend while teaching them to respect us a their parents as well.

10. THOU SHALL BE A GOOD SON-IN-LAW.

I know my parents are somewhat mahirap pakisamahan. They thought they knew a LOOOOOT. Well, my in-laws find it hard to deal with them. Even I, at times, actually. Pero there isn't anything wrong trying to understand them. They live in a different era from the modern times. And they tend to apply their ways and means from many years ago to present. Maybe a little more patience is what you need. I promised myself to marry someone they can be proud of. Yung wala silang masasabi, wala silang marereklamo. Sabagay, lagi naman silang may comment. Pero at least prove to them that you're not worthy of their rants. 

11. THOU SHALL NOT HAVE SECRETARIES.

Utang na loob ha! Kung magiging boss ka, ako nalang ang i-hire mong secretary. O kaya LALAKI. Haha. Oh well, the item's not really important. But just to let you know, as much as possible, I don't want this. They tend to have a 'secret affair'. Haha. Again, just that I've seen the situation from one of my siblings. I'm just afraid the same thing might happen to me. Believe me, it's either it's gonna kill me or I'm going to kill HER! *roar*

All of these things I've seen and learned from my siblings, bilang may kanya kanya na silang pamilya. Maybe, they're the very reason why I fear getting married. E sa kanila palang, quota na ko sa mga marital problems. Kitang kita ko na ung mga pinagdaanan nila at dinig na dinig ko ung mga reklamo ng mga magulang at kapatid ko. It's not that I want a perfect partner to have a perfect married life. I just don't want to experience the most common things they've gone through. It took me so long to finally accept that I have to settle down. (Not that I have already decided. Still planning for that.) It scares me a lot to not know what's ahead of me. Oh well, nasanay siguro ko na kahit pano, I can take control of the things around me. I fear uncertainty and it somehow goes along with getting married. Uncertainty in a sense na hindi ko lang talaga alam kung anung mangyayari sa mga susunod na araw, at wala akong back up. Building your own family is a totally different phase. And so far, I have never prepared myself enough for that. In a relationship, kapag nagloko ung lalake, I used to say na ok lang un. Kung ayaw, e di wag. Tapusin na. Madali lang yun. In marriage kase you can;t say that. It's not only about you and will never be like that anymore. It will be more of the kids and the family itself. So kung magloloko ang married guy, I don't think I can easily say 'let go'. Of course I also have to think of the kids. Isa yan sa mga nakita ko sa mga kapatid ko. And one of the things I scare most in marriage.

Hindi pa naman talaga ako magpapakasal. But it's already included in the plan. This is just to let you know why it took me so long to finally imagine the whole building-my-own-family thing. These are my fears. These are the points I want to emphasize dahil nakita ko sa mga kapatid ko, and I'm afraid mangyari din sakin (huwag naman sana). 

After all, I still cannot guess what's in store for me and for us. And sabi ko nga kanina, I cannot take control of everything. Of course, I'm leaving it to God na. He knows very well how things must go on. And I believe in his plans for me. I just pray for his guidance for whatever we may have decided to do and whenever we may have decided to put our plans into action.

Amazing God, I know you know everything. Guide and bless us. Amen.

"Oh ano, papakasal ka pa ba? ;)"

- ymhej -

16.01.2013