Forgive me for the rants...

UE Caloocan Student Council Elections has just ended. It happened yesterday. And unfortunately, my ever-loved party wasn't succesful enough to overpower the other party. For the top 4 positions, Tinig ang nagwagi. TINIG, in which the loud and wild people belong to, unfortunately won Central Presidency, Vice, Secretary and Treasurer -- thing which surprised us, supporters-slash-alumni. 

I was watching over the lost candidates' profile (at least those that I knew and FB friend) to see their feelings and reaction. And just now, I read Claui's not entitled 'Thank you. :)' I couldn't help but cry. Hindi nga naman biro yun pinagdaanan nila..

Looking back on my college years, I was able to experience being in the student council through some sort of friends. I was never really the type of student that would run for elections though I was actively participating in activities since pre-school. I prefer to be an ordinary student with a name familiar all over the campus. Sometimes, I wish I could lead, though. but opportunity to me is very, very rare. Ooops, I never ran. I was appointed. Maybe, that's why. 

Being in the service wasn't that hard enough for me. In fact, it made me find myself loving to be involved in such organizations since I belonged to this council. I realized how I love to put responsibilities on my hand and keep myself busy responding to the needs of the university. I even learned to do multi-tasking...

Oo, before lage kong naiisip na sana ganito, sana ganon. I used to idolize the people who has the courage to run for a position in the Student Council. Them, who are being recognized then and there for what they have done for everybody, who are being recognized for their service. Ewan ko. I used to imagine myself being on their place. Ang sarap siguro na ma-mention un name mo, makilala ka for what you do. Hindi yun, for what others have done under your name. I was appointed first as a 4th year Rep for my college. Nag enjoy naman ako. I actively participated in activities. I did what was instructed. I ran around the campus kung kailangan. I got used to seeing different people para lang makapagpapirma. Deadma kung walang tulog o masama ang pakiramdam o inaasthma. basta magawa ko lang. Ewan ko kung tama. Pero, feeling ko lang kase, all I've got was negative things after I got into the student council. Honestly, minsan, hindi ko nga alam kung tama o dapat ko bang pagsisihan that I joined the council. 

the following year, I wasn't supposed to be a part of it anymore. But again, I was APPOINTED. And again, same position! Ako naman si gaga, TANGGAP LANG! GO! It was believed that I replaced Meowsy as Auditor. So I did my job. Pero at the same time, I was the president's alalay din pala. Prince, then, was our CSC President. And syempre, bilang girlfriend, you'd do almost everything para mabawasan un load nya. For me lang naman kase, I want to lessen his burden. He's working for their thesis, and I want to help him achieve his dream of getting that Latin Honor he worked hard for years. Unfortunately, after the term, I just felt like hindi naman pala ako nag-benefit sa pinagpaguran ko. Instead, all I got was this negative reactions from my co-officers. I've got a friend-turned-enemy at the end of the year. And I heard those negative things that person told everybody about me.. Na pa-VIP ako, ma-feeling, and everything! Of course, it did hurt. And I guess, nobody ever knew that. Even him,  does not know anything about it. I was judged and got very weak to defend myself. Sabagay, how would I do that when nobody's around me? 

I don't know why I'm telling all of these. Oo nga, this should have been a closed book. well, I just remembered the days.. Dun kase nagstart un feeling ko na 'ako nalang' vs. many people. Yes, until now, masakit parin isipin na I was on the battle with only my own self. 

I did not ask for a recognition. Happy ako sa mga nag-benefit. I willingly submitted myself to serve them. Ang hindi ko lang matanggap, that after everything, I was alone. I feel like I've lost those who used to be a family to me. Na, kasabay ng pagmarcha ko sa stage, or actually, hindi pa man ako rumarampa ng nakatoga, wala na sila at wala nading nasa paligid ko. Nobody even dared to ask me. Para lang ako bula.

And until now, that's how I feel about them. Siguro kaya ako aloof sa kanila. Siguro nga din, na-mention ko un dahilan. Hindi naman kase talaga dapat ako kasama.. Kumbaga sa laro, saling-pusa lang ako.

/endofrant