June's Now Gone

June, this must be a special month! - I told myself as my special month begins. It's like welcoming a new year to me because another year, another chapter in my life's about to start. I thought it would be easy, just take things positively and look on the brighter side of every thing. I was wrong.

It became hard when I have to let go of some important people in my life. Even harder, when expected people did not come to my birthday celebration, and things did not go as planned. Hardest, when I have to feel loneliness on that exact day before my birthday. With these things, I feel like the world has turned its back on me. I felt again, that one day, I will have to face the world, ALL ALONE. The thought again came into my mind - that everybody's going to leave me - the most painful thought I am ever afraid thinking of. But as much as I'd like to run away from the thoughts of being alone, it seems like fate is finding a way to make me realize that I should prepare myself 'coz nobody knows when it's going to happen but surely it will. I guess I'm slowly realizing that I am escaping what I should learn to face, though. 

My greatest fear in life is to wake up one day realizing that I am the only one left. What would you expect, even my own parents left me the same day I was born. Who wouldn't do that? And I guess, as a consolation for myself, I'd like to make my month the most special month of each year. I'd like to feel that a lot of people's caring for me, though only temporary. I'd like to feel that there's no reason for me to be scared 'coz I will never walk through life alone, never again, even only for a month. That did not happen though. As much as I'd like to make myself believe that it's the other way around, I still ended up hurting. The days exactly before and after my special day was among the hardest.. And the most painful. And the people I thought who would understand? Don't ask anymore.. I don't blame them, though. I know I can't. 

The month's over now. No more special days but looking forward to a better one, next year. No more special celebration. No more reason to find speciality in everything that happens each day. No more reason to be afraid to let go. Gone.. is my birthday. July na!

After all, that's life. And I am thankful that God is giving me another year to spend my life in more meaningful ways. I am still thankful for my friends, officemates, families, my prince.  I am still thankful for waking me up to face another day. I am thankful for another year older and better. Things may not be the way I planned, especially for my special month, I still got a lot of reasons to be grateful. I will never stop my childish beliefs of making each day of June a special one. You may hate me for that, but to tell you, it's the only way I know to forget that the most painful day in my life is the same day I was born. I'll forever make it a magical day. And I'd still be forever thankful that twenty seven of June exists each year.

So long, June.