The Originals

The fact that I was adopted has never been new to me. I’ve known it since I’m young. I even remember the biological parents coming to see me when I was about 4 or 5 years old, but I was too scared to face them then. Not sure why, but maybe because they’re strangers to me. Mom told me when I was a baby, they brought me to their home but all I ever did was cry and shout that I wanna go home to my mommy. My siblings told me I looked like a kidnapped child then. I didn’t want to eat, literally. All that I ate was the food they bring whenever they come to see me. They said I almost looked like a street child – thin and dirty. Maybe not that they didn’t care for me, but maybe I was just too hesitant. I didn’t grow up with my biological family in the first place.

Before I turn eighteen, the woman came up to me and said that it’s about time she talk to me over the things that had happened and say sorry. Just the same, I remember myself hiding in my kuya’s house because I, still, was too hesitant to see nor talk to her. I barely knew her. I only know her face. I didn’t even know her name. Not that my mom didn’t tell me a thing about her. It’s just I don’t want to talk about it. So she asked me to sit beside her and talked to me. She said sorry and ask for my forgiveness. I said forgiveness granted and went back to my kuya’s house. Haven’t heard anything about them since then.

Years have passed, I found my biological sister and started having a connection with her through SMS and Facebook. We even celebrated my birthday in 2009 together. And to this day, we occasionally update each other through Facebook. Facebook also connected me with my two biological brothers. Though I barely talk to them.

Last night, to my surprise, I dreamt of them. I was about to meet my sister then all of a sudden they were there, with the man lying on a hospital bed and an oxygen on his nose. I can hardly remember what they told me but I am sure there’s something on it, like, they wanted to say something now that I am getting married, just like they did when I was about to celebrate my debut. It’s just maybe that this time, they feel the distance that we have between us. Truth is, me and my biological parents never really talked, not even a hi or hello or even kamusta.

God knows how I thank them for still giving me this life. Thank you that they gave birth to me. I owe my life to them forever and believe me, I’ve forgiven them. But I’m sorry I just cannot give them the time and attention that you expect of me.

They say when you see someone on your dream, it means they are thinking of you. Thank you, for showing up even in my dream and letting me know that you still think of me. At least somehow I know that you still recognize me as you have given birth to me. Thank you for the messages I know you want to tell me even without words. Maybe one day, I’ll have the courage to finally face you and look into your eyes and talk to you and share my life with you. 

- ymhej - 

28.09.2014